Today starts like the others....

Today started out just like the others and off we went to see Bogdan and Valeria.  We picked up a little princess purse a cute frilly flowered red one.  It's not the big purse she wants but we will find one later.  Weather is warm and  humid because of the brief rain through out the days.  I like this way better than hot.  We got a nerf like baseball bat and ball and played for a couple of hours intermittent with him taking pictures and us looking at scenery and exploring .  We also brought a little plane that glides either by shooting it from a rubber band sling or by throwing it.  He is all boy and a lot is communicated like boys do with grunts, yells and laughter.  At an appropriate  moment of resting and eating fruit, candy and juice, Nadia starts talking to Bogdan about getting a yes.  We talked for an hour but could not get a yes just I will think about it. He knows it's a good thing and we are good people and will be good parents.  I truly think he knows that but is dealing with lies.  He is a good kid and I see signs of integrity and rightness in him.  He is and will be a good kid.  We just got to get him out of this %#€><*^•?! place and into an environment he can thrive in.   I can honestly say between the four of us we could not do more in our efforts to get him passed his resistance.  I have a lot of respect for his resistance because I know down in his heart and by his reactions that he wants to be our son.  I see his resistance as a sign of integrity and strength of character and will.  Cant wait to develop and mold that strength.    He promised us an answer tomorrow.  As we were leaving,  our driver asked if he could walk Bogdan back to the door and talk with Him  We said yes.  He is known by the children and he pretty much repeated everything we had been saying but sometimes it's important to hear it from someone else.  We were encouraged by his positive reactions to what Bogdan said to him.  He told our driver that he thinks he will say yes.  I really appreciate Vlad (taxi guy) stepping up like that.  Nadia also said the director has warmed up to her and will encourage Bogdan to say yes.  I don't care how it gets done but that it gets done!
           Here police stand off the side of the roads (like our speed traps)  with a white stick with black strips on it.  If they wave the stick at you, you pull over and pay what they want for whatever you have been doing wrong.  While going from one orphanage to the other we were waved at and our taxi guy got out. Naddia explained you have two choices go to court and pay 350 grn and waste  who knows how long waiting or pay 150 grn on the spot and off you go.  He paid and off we went.  We are now driving to see Valeria and I look foward to seeing her run and skip.  As we drive through this truly beautiful country with it's rolling hills, trees and green grass it brings me home and I long to see our snowcapped  Rockies in the distance.  Apparently, just like Colorado the sun will dry up the grass and things will turn brown as the summer progresses .  
     So I interrupt this flow with a couple of thoughts.  Ladies get over your need for a clean white cool porcelain toilet if you plan to come here.  So far, Monique has had to stand and squat over the most horrific out houses with a stench so bad you don't close the door for fear of passing out (no joke).  She has had to do her business in the grass and trees and gotten very familiar with turkish toilets (squatting over hole in floor).  Be prepared with toilet paper in purse  and to pay for the privilege of using a toilet.  Many bathrooms have sinks and soap (bar soap) but no way to dry your hands.  Occasionally there is an electric hand dryer that is ridiculously under powered and you will give up and dry your hands on your ever present pants or with toilet paper.  Jeremiah and I  feel blessed as men because we can take care of business standing up.  Another thing is that food is never hot enough here. It's alway luke warm! I long for hot food and seasoning.  They have salt and pepper but the salt has lost a lot of it's flavor.   I poured so much salt one time on my potatoes it was laughable.  Its dark everywhere and if there are lights on its just the minimum you can get away with.  For instance every apartment we have been in has had a chandelier type light with 6 plus bulbs and never more than two of those light bulbs work.  Many lights just don't work at all.  I suspect they don't even put lights in them.   Hallways are never lit and streets can be very dark but  not necessarily dangerous.  It's just the way it is.  One last thing for now, your shaken up every were you go!  Train rides shake constantly, taxi rides shake you constantly with weaving and pot holes and roads that are never ever ever flat or straight!  After we had taken the train to Donesk and taxi all day visiting our kids the world never stopped moving for us.  You stand still but you feel like your moving up and down constantly because your equal librium is shot.  Now there are exceptions to all these things  but these are pretty common.  
        We just spent 3 hour with Valeria and what a different girl she was today.  We came just as she was walking to have snacks so all she could do was wave at us.  Me being me, I  was not content to sit and behave and so off I went to see her eating.  The babushkas in charge  put up with the silly man sneaking a peak at his little girl.  I went back to get Monique to come and take a look at her eating too but she all of a sudden jumped in surprise as Valeria ran and gave her a big hug from behind.  We gave her gifts and she liked her cute little red princess purse but I almost think she liked the little puzzles we got her more.  We put both of them together and mama combed her hair and put hair clips and head band in her hair. She was shy as usual but enjoyed her time watching Monique, Jeremiah and Nadiah draw pictures.  I don't have skills in the drawing arena so I just watched Valeria, she is precious and I sense she wants to be free from her shyness but doesn't know how.   I wanted to hear the word yes from her even though I knew she would.  Nadia asked her the questions and she said she wanted to be adopted by us and after hearing the word dah (yes) I looked into her eyes and lovingly said spaciba (thank you) to her.  She eventually wanted to play outside so off she went and picked the area and toys.  There were many toys made of steel with at least an eight inch of layered paint all pealing and cracking.  It would seem no one every thought to sand or strip 30 years of paint off.  We played on old jungle gyms and slides and laughed at each other.  She talked constantly to us in ruski and busted out of her shell.  She got a football (soccer ball) and we played ball games for a long time.  She played hard and she at times got bossy with me telling me were to stand and what to do and stop doing silly stuff.  You don't have to know the language to understand these things.  She is a very good girl but she has.... I wasn't going to say it but when Monique said it I said it.  This girl has a lot of piss and vinegar in her or you might say grit!  I told Monique that she needed it to survive through all she has and is going through.  Personally I like seeing that in her because shes  going to need it.  Nadia continues to leave us longer and longer by ourselves with these guys. I am not sure if it's on purpose but I am beginning to see what a challenge we are up against with our language barriers.  I begin to feel a bit of a panic inside and realize how scary this is going to be for these two kiddos in such a strange world and I can easily visualize Valeria having complete melt downs and panic attacks.  I feel the need to escape for awhile and to leave and Monique said she could sense my internal panic and my fight or flight mechanism kicking in.  We got what it takes but today I felt and saw the reality if it all and it was very scary. I felt it the moment I walked into her orphanage.  A part of it is my own fear of lossing her to an unknown decision from Bogdan.  
         It's now eight pm and we are approaching the end of another 12 hour day of driving and visiting and persuading our children.  I am sore, tired , sweaty and long for a shower and to just veg!