Who Can Understand the Mysteries of God? The ending of a chapter.

I wanted to wrap up the last two blogs I have posted by bringing everyone up to speed on the progress. Scott has been on a liver donor waiting list for nearly two years without any luck and it was not looking good for him to receive one. Thus the reason I volunteered to become a live donor for him and set a surgery date for this coming May 17th. Last week, Scott, for the second time in less than a month ended up in the hospital with another episode with only 12 days remaining before our surgeries. Prayers were going up like crazy that he would recover quickly and remain healthy enough to enter into surgery. Honestly I was becoming afraid he wouldn’t make it so close to the finish line but in a whirlwind of events that lasted for two days, doctors and surgery team announced that a 21-year-old had died locally that might be a match for him. Incredibly he was the correct blood type and his liver was a match as well. Then word came that the liver was a unique liver with two completely separate arteries entering into it so it could be divided and shared. Amazingly across the street at a children’s hospital, a two-year-old was also waiting for a liver transplant and everyone had the same blood type. Two surgeries later both Scott and a toddler have a new lease on life and are recovering well. Two years in the waiting and suddenly everything changes.

As I try to process all of this, I am left in profound awe. It is without a doubt that we serve a God who is mysterious in his ways. He is incomprehensible in magnitude and full of love beyond anything imaginable. How can we possibly understand our parts in his story or the impact we have when we submit to his leading.

The book of Job sums it up like this...

Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.”  Job 11:7-9 NIV

Or King Solomon who said:
A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?
Proverbs 21:30

As much as I would like to know the “Why” of what he does, it is not mine to question in disrespect but to seek to understand and obey his promptings. Honestly, my heart is heavy and elated at the same time. Today the good news of Scotts successful surgery and of a young toddlers, is weighed against the loss of a young man who died in the prime of his life and took my place as the life giving donor. On one side, a wife, mother and family rejoice at the future they will have and on the other side a mother and family grieve the loss of their son. Who knows or who can comprehend Gods plans for us but we can rest assured that he is working all things for our good to those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Little did this young man know that in his death he would heal a family or answer the prayers of countless people. How do any of us know the effect of our obedience to a God who so loved the world that he gave his only son to save it. How can we know the impact of our lives that are lead in obedience to his requests?

I would not say that the last 6 months have been easy for me but I am very glad to have been allowed to be a part of Scott's story. In this life we are allowed the privilege of entering into the tapestry of another person’s life. Each one of us has a choice, like the Good Samaritan to stop or walk by. I would personally advocate that life really does not become worth living until you are willing to lose it.

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”

Matthew 16:25-26 NIV.

I do wonder why God presented to me this opportunity and then like Abraham and his son at the very last moment is rescued from the course he was on (Gen 22). In this case, the "Why" may never be answered but I can search in my finite way to understand and learn from it. In my willingness to lay down my life for a friend it has been far reaching. My decisions ultimately affected my wife and my children and in the last six months I have had some very special talks with Monique and each of my children. Each one supported my decision 100 percent but each had to come to terms with it in their own way. I remember asking Monique if she was willing to lose me to death in my desire to save the life of a friend and his family. Her support of this came with a definite "Yes". I am thankful for her view on life and the realization that life is short and we must live it fully and with purpose. I am also grateful for my children who supported me and said that this was fitting of who I was and of my life's purpose.

On a personal note, I have become much more in tune with my own mortality. Life is very short but was I willing to ultimately give it up for a friend? The answer was "Yes" but there were many days I spent time with my children and granddaughter that I asked God for my will and not his. I love my family dearly and I especially love watching them live life to it fullness. It is an unbelievable feeling to sit back in the warmth of your life and just enjoy watching your children live life. I have been amazingly blessed in this life despite myself and my many mistakes. I feel as though God has graciously overlooked all my wrongs, the many years of my rebellion and blessed me with mercy and grace.

To sum up this chapter in my life, I am so thankful that Scott and his family will enjoy many years ahead together. I am also grateful to those who spoke to me of how this was encouraging and impactful to them. I appreciated the cards in the mail from complete strangers who wanted to just say thank you for the inspiration and that they were praying for me. I am thankful to my family for supporting me in this and their willingness to see this through to its conclusion. I am also deeply thankful to so many of you have given generously and sacrificially to Scott and his family, who signed up to bring meals, volunteered to take our children off our hands while I was recovering and to my parents who were willing to fly out and help us through the process. 

 In closing, let me encourage each of you to take risks in helping those we walk by in this life. It may not always turn out the way you hope, or be painless in the process but you will never know the impact you will have unless you try. If I have learned nothing else of the “Why” of this adventure, I have come to understand that I am cared for and loved by many and leave appreciating this precious gift called life and the journey God has me on.

CS Lewis sums it up so well in the following:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Its been a month since my last post and time for a quick update on our liver transplant process. As part of the surgery preparation, Scott met with his surgeon to evaluate his condition and go over next steps and his options.  In this meeting, Scott's surgeon deemed his health good enough to risk postponing his surgery for a couple of months.  The reasoning behind this was to make sure that my part as a live donor was only used as a last option.  At the same time, Scott was placed at the top of the liver donor waiting list to assure every possibility was given for him to receive a liver through traditional means.  The whole reasoning of this was to protect me from the risks involved in this surgery.

So to simply state what is happening.  We have set a final date for our surgery for May 17th.  If before that date Scott receives a liver through traditional means, then my part in the process is over. If this does not happen, I will be going into surgery on May 17th and donating my liver to Scott.  In all of this we are hoping for the best in either scenario.   There is a lot of preparation that needs to take place for this to happen and we would both appreciate your prayers and support.

I am very grateful for all the encouragement, support and love I have received since making this decision.  I want to also publicly thank my son Jeremiah, who spent so much time in helping set up, film and produce a short video of our situation.  He did this without hesitation and with such compassion.  It has been a very helpful tool in getting the word out.  I hope you can take a  moment to watch the video he produced.

I also would like to personally ask that you share this post and information in any way you can.  It is very rare when we are given such a tangible and real means to save a life.  You can be a huge part in the process of changing Scott's life and the future of his precious family for ever.  For more details on Scott, please watch the video below and follow the link to our GoFund account for a better understanding of the story of my dear friend and his family.





To help support or advocate for us, please share a link to this post and/or our gofund account below. Blessings to you all for your part in the process!

https://www.gofundme.com/c5ua4sws

An Announcment I am not too comfortable making...

What you are about to read is difficult for me to write. For one, I just simply don’t feel comfortable bringing attention to myself in this regard and the other reason is it really is not about me. The reality is that the news is out there and I thought it was important for you, my friends, to know what is going on in our lives. It is my hope that you will hold us up in prayer and support during this time. So please indulge me while I take a moment to ramble and shoot from my heart. 

My personal thoughts are that this life was never meant to be lived in so much comfort that we become blind to the hurting of our world. Like the parable of the Good Samaritan it is important that we do not become so busy, complacent or uncompassionate that we walk by opportunities that we can have a positive impact on. This is not easy but I believe it is a part of the Christian walk. If Jesus was willing to lay down his life for us, then we too must be willing to do the same for others. All of us in this life take calculated risks for what we feel important. Take for example driving to work. Each day, we hop into our cars and risk life and limb to get to work. Why? Because providing shelter, warmth, food and a future for ourselves and our families are worth that risk. How about sports we enjoy? I love to ski and many of you do to but the reality is that it can be dangerous. We take that risk because it is a calculated risk. The pleasure and enjoyment it brings to our lives is worth it. Sometime we choose to suffer temporarily to obtain something we view as having value for the future. Examples: exercise, training for a marathon, or putting aside immediate pleasures to invest in a future retirement or save for a rainy day. The end results make it worth the temporary suffering of the moment. Life is short. I hope we all have come to some understanding of that. What we do with our time and short lives has value now and for the future of those we leave behind. 

Well there is my introduction to the motivation and what follows is the why and how. A few weeks ago I sent this letter to my family and a few others who would be impacted by the news. The following is a little modified for better understanding but keeps the original essence of the original letter. Thank you for joining us in this journey and feel free to write me if you have any concerns or questions. I have been so blessed to be surrounded with so many of you who have expressed their care, support and love for us. This choice literally takes a village as the saying goes. 

Dear Friends,

I wanted to keep you in the loop with something that is going on in my life. About two years ago a dear friend and father of six and someone I hold in the highest esteem, was diagnosed with liver disease and was placed on the donor waiting list for a transplant. In the last few years, he has battled the symptoms and has ended up in the hospital many times battling for his life. A year ago I found out through Monique that I was the same blood type as Scott. After some prayer, I decided I should let him know that I was willing to become a live donor for him if it came down to it.

Around five months ago he went through a very bad episode and his doctor said it wasn't looking good for him to get a transplant on the waiting list and he should contact those who had offered to be a live donor. The reality was he might not live through the next episode. I was contacted and I told him I was still willing to go through the process. Three months ago, I called University Colorado Hospital and started the process of getting approved, I did labs, interviews and last week I spent two days at UCH Medical Hospital with Monique getting MRI's, Cat Scans, X-rays, blood tests, and meetings with numerous doctors, surgeons and social workers. Honestly, I didn't think I would pass the physical piece and be a match for him at my age. The vast majority of people get rejected for being a donor.

In my case, on Thursday, all my blood work and mental capability were approved by a hospital panel and on Friday they reviewed my body, intestinal and organ images etc. and I was deemed completely healthy. I was told I was approved and a match to be a live donor transplant for Scott. According to my live donor coordinator this is very rare. Without a transplant Scott will most likely die this year and leave six children fatherless and his lovely wife a widow.

I have taken this process very seriously considering all the possibilities that may result and have spent a lot of time in prayer (and few sleepless nights). Monique and I both agree that this is the right thing to do and worth the risks involved. So I have decided that I will be doing an elective surgery and donating my liver to Scott. It is not an easy one, it has risks, a 7-10-day recovery in the hospital and somewhere between two and three months’ recovery time for me. I will not be incapacitated during these three months but need to take it easy and it will be exhausting on me as my body regrows a new liver. I will be able to continue to do things and I plan on focusing home recovery time towards running Vision for the Children International and a few other things that I can do while sitting at a desk. Once I have recovered, there are no known long term issues for me and I will return to life physically as if it never happened. For Scott, it is the same but he will get another chance at life and his family will hopefully have a husband and father for many years to come. 

There is still a chance that Scott could get a cadaver liver while on the waiting list (he has been escalated to the top of the waiting list now) and that is preferred all around. The medical doctors will not allow me to proceed if one comes available (please pray this happens, it is the best option). If all continues as planned, I will be having the transplant surgery at University Colorado Hospital the third week of May and they are the best in the US. I will be treated with the best care and have a private nurse 24/7 monitoring my health and recovery while in the hospital. The liver is the only organ in your body that will complete renew itself. After they take 2/3 of my left liver lobe it will grow a completely new one in about 6 weeks. I will gain a nice scar under my rib cage that looks like a hockey stick about 5-6 inches long as the only reminder of the procedure. 

I have had a long time to process this and although I don't slightly want to go through the pain and discomfort of the process, I know it's the right thing to do and I am totally at peace with this decision. Monique also feels the same way about this and is at peace with this decision as well. Let me say that this goes far beyond Scotts and our friendship alone. I couldn’t imagine how painful it would be for his wife and their 6 children to lose him to so soon to death. This family has suffered so much all ready, from Scotts past fight with cancer, current liver disease and recently their oldest daughter nearly being killed in a car accident. I also can’t imagine how painful it is for his family to live day to day with a future full of so much uncertainty. The thought of me suffering for three months is nothing when compared to the hope of seeing a family restored and healed. I have been so blessed with my family and I have enjoyed a long enough life to see my children grow up an even enjoy a grandchild. I want Scott to have that experience as well. 

A major contributor to this whole process has been the love and support of Monique through all of it. This has been no small thing for her but in her words “The risks are worth the possibilities”. Without her approval and support of my decision this would not be a reality. She has been willing from the very start to do whatever is necessary to help support me.

There is still a lot to do before this can happen, work forms, Family Medical Leave, short term disability and fundraising to raise money for lost wages and income during the three months etc. I understand that this is all of a sudden but I wanted to write you so that each of you had time to process this. It was not my plan to keep it a secret from anyone but it did not make any sense to worry you with the slim chance I would be approved in the first place. 

Thanks you for your prayers and support in this.  My son is putting together a video interview shortly and there will be more posts  to follow as we journey through this together.

A recent picture of Scott and his beautiful family...

Doing more with less.

In August of 2012, I took the second most impactful trip of my life. The first was a six week trip in Ukraine to adopt our two children Daniel and Lydia. The second would launch me into a future I had only dreamed of. Traveling for two weeks in Ukraine leading a group of missionaries and researching the launch of a Transitional Home for orphans I began to catch a vision for what would later launch a ministry called Vision for the Children International. Underneath the surface of it all was something, that I believe helped change our lives and make this new vision and journey a reality.


I have a profound respect for those I have met who live outside our western culture. Most families I have encountered in Eastern Europe have lived in apartments and homes about a third the size of our home I live in with simplicity, contentment and gratitude for what they have. I have been the guest of those who have given their last chicken to bless us with a dinner. I have slept in beds that sagged so much that I have felt I was sleeping in a hammock. And in every instance I have seen eyes full of love, hearts of gold and a contentment with what they have been given and yet I could not understand or grasp how this could be when they live with so little? How could living with less bring so much contentment?


Perplexing as this was for me, I began to be overwhelmed with a simple truth that I lived in the exact opposite realm as they did full of stuff, excess and clutter. My life was packed. Every room, closet, drawer and hour was full to the brim. For years I had been asking to be used by God but the reality was how could he. I had no time left for him. A simple realization happened, for us to be used, we needed to make the space and time for it to happen. Needless to say, it was not easy to un clutter our lives but fast forward three and a half years and Monique and I are living a much simpler life, having greater impact than we have ever had and learning to be content with what we have. Much of this has been a result of four major changes we have implemented in our lives.


1. Turn off the TV. 5 years ago I just stopped watching it. I needed more time and it was a simply way of gaining more time in the day. Besides, If you haven't noticed, TV is loaded with constant commercialism designed to make you discontent with what you have and desire something more. That said, it doesn't mean I don't watch movies. I love my Netflix and the ability to choose what I entertain my time with when I want to disconnect and just relax.


2. Simplify your home. In other words, get rid of the excess. This has not been an easy one for us and has been full of great learning experiences and periods of unhappy times as I learned you don't thin out excess in certain areas ( like the kitchen ) without full agreement from your wife. A lesson I learned quickly and will never do again but it's been worth it all in the end. Learning to live with less has been such a huge freeing experience. Life flows smoother when you don't have to maintain a house full of excess stuff. Things are easier to find and areas are easier to keep clean. It also allows your stuff to go to those who might need it more than you. It also enables organizations to do so much good through the profits made by selling your unused stuff and as a bonus you just might get a tax break. Simply rule of thumb. If you haven't used it in the last two years, give it to those who might.


3. Simplify your life. Find ways to make it easier. Set up all your bills to be paid automatically and cut back on unnecessary events. Learn to say "No" to every request for your time. And, a hard one for me, stop being a control fanatic and allow others to share your load. For you to be used by God you must free up time for that to happen.


4. Be still. You can't find direction and contentment without pausing for times of reflection and peace. This is one of my biggest weaknesses so I decided to challenge myself in 2016 to take a baby step and consistently set aside 10 minutes a day to sit, be still, pray, meditate and just listen. So far these ten minutes are my favorite part of the day and often lead to more than ten minutes as I enjoy my mornings times in meditation.


5. Lastly, Be positive. The bible says to renew our minds. Focus on the positives. Take time to thank God for the good in your life and the promises he has given us. When we do this, our focus changes from the have nots to the haves. I generally do this in the morning and it is amazing how this sets the tone for the rest of my day.


The ultimate purpose of all of this is to allow for the space, time and change in mindset in your day to day life to allow God to enter into it, speak into you and fill it with purpose and direction. If you find yourself with barely enough time, these few suggestions might be what you need to change your future and impact others in the process.

Lose Your Height

A learned pleasure for me lately has been teaching Sunday school for a bunch of little kiddos at my church. At 6'1" I tower over these little guys. You would think that at my height I would have some type of intimidating authority, control and rule but instead the opposite seems to be true. My words seem relatively useless as I direct them to a loud, rambunctious, and often silly group of children. There seems to be this two and half foot gap of disconnect between me and them. But something amazing happens when I leave my lofty perch and get down on my knees, sit in their tiny chairs, play and draw with them. They begin to connect with me, their eyes light up and I am allowed the opportunity to enter their beautiful tiny and sometimes scary little world.

I woke to these thoughts this morning in Kiev, Ukraine as I reflected on how I have changed over the last few years. One valuable life lesson I've learned during this time, is to check my American ideology at the airport before leaving to another country. We cannot go, live life or influence others significantly if we think ourselves or our ideology better than others. When we do this we will naturally look down on others if they do not align with our way of thinking. When God said Go into all the world he did not want us to condemn but to serve others in truth and to represent grace and mercy. I believe God never asks us to do anything he hasn't done. So how has our God demonstrated these principles to us? In simplicity, He came from his heavenly thrown to come down to our earthly level. He then showed through his life to serve others by taking it even further. He humbled himself by going two and half feet further to kneel before us while he cleaned our dirty feet. Can we do that? It's not easy to humble ourselves and become vulnerable but when we begin to put this into practice, everything begins to change. Blinders come off our eyes and a precious and beautiful world opens before us. Verses likes "It's better to give than to receive" begin to actually make sense. Greed, gluttony and excess begin to rub you wrong and it naturally influences the way you live. You slowly begin to care less and less about what you personally can get out of life and how you can give more away. At the risk of sounding preachy, I often wonder how kind history will be on our super sized McMansion lifestyles. How can we live so blessed and ignore those in our world that barely survive and have so little hope of anything better? It is our responsibility, biblically speaking, to care for this earth and to bring good news to a hurting world. It's not someone else's problem it is ours. We are commanded to go, to give and to care for the least of these in our world. Let us not someday stand before our God making excuses for our mega flat screen tv's while our worlds children died because they went without our love and care. Lets begin to do today what we can, to give from our richness and blessings. Let us model our saviors example and get down on our knees and look up into those hurting and wounded eyes and wash some feet.

Where are my KEYs?

Something I take for granted, as long as they are close to me, are my keys.  I personally hate having them in my pockets so they always end up in my backpack or tossed in a basket.  I must have at least ten keys on my key ring and it would take me a bit to figure out which one goes to what but carry them I must.  One exception to this rule is when I travel.  I have no need for keys when I travel so I abandon them on my desk to be left but never forgotten.  Without them close by, my mind often franticly does a search for them.  Which pocket of my bags are they in?  Were did I last have them?  On and on my mind will repeat this as I go from one place to another.  Its like a strange invisible umbilical cord that attaches me to them. It is amazing to me how keys have become such a part of my anatomy.  Its a strange feeling, as though I need to know that I can lock myself in or out, open a door or turn the ignition on and speed away.  So here I fly to Eastern Europe again with this nagging feeling that I need them but in reality I have no need for them at all. What I need more than to open a physical door or to turn on a car, is the assurance that my God has spiritual doors waiting to be opened that I can walk through.   Maybe today my need for keys are just a personal need to control the doors I want opened.  Whatever the case, today I release that control to God and Go in faith.   He holds the keys and I look forward to the journey and the wide open doors...  

1 Corinthians 2:9  However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"   James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

Vision for the Children International - What have we been up to? Sept 2015

I am excited to share with you some incredible updates!  Thank you so much for your ongoing support of our ministry. Without you this wouldn’t have been possible. Three years ago, the realities of what it was like for a child to live in an orphanage and the poor conditions they would live in afterwards, forced us to take a hard look at how we dealt with our world orphan crisis.  What we found, was that according to UNICEF over 80 percent of children classified as orphans have a living parent. This is a tragic statistic!  How could we strengthen families and keep children from ending up in orphanages?

Vision for the Children International was launched because we knew we couldn’t keep walking by these vulnerable children. We needed to find a way to change the conditions which forced parents to abandon their children to a hopeless future, simply because they lived in an environment which gave them no other option.  VFTCI now focuses on 4 main areas of ministry that are having a significant impact; Rescue, Education, Outreach and Awareness. 

Check out these highlights from the last couple of years that you made possible:

2012 We turned a dark cold Armenian school with no electricity into a vibrant welcoming school with electricity for computers and modern kitchen that now serves two meals a day to needy children. 

2013 We launched an Abandoned Mothers with Children Shelter – Rescuing and rehabilitating 9 mothers and 14 children so far.

2014 We co-founded an International NGO called KERA to administer the shelter.

2014 We began supporting and expanding an after school program.  This program is providing a safe environment for education, English classes and over 4000 healthy meals for impoverished children.

2014 We also launched a computer education lab with 6 computers that provide necessary access to computer programs, internet and research capabilities for kids to succeed in School.  

2014 - 2015 We began to look at ways to expand outreach into communities and villages. This lead to the support of outreach programs that included missions trips, children's summer camps, holiday events and weekly Kids Programs.  These programs allow us to continually build relationships, expand existing programs and provide relational support to children and families.

We are continuing to see incredible progress in our programs and are preparing for ongoing growth and expansion. It is exciting to see the hard labor of the last three years begin to grow and flourish.

Last week, Monique and I took a little time to give blood at our church.   What struck me this time was the reality that just 30 minutes of my time and a small amount of blood had the ability to save three lives.  For me it was incredible realization that so little effort on my part could have such a lasting impact on someone’s future.  Just like giving blood, your regular investment and support, has this same ability to radically change the future of a child! Would you take a moment and consider a financial gift today or signup for a monthly recurring gift?  With your regular monthly giving, it makes it possible for us to wisely plan and budget for the future of each of our programs. Consider using our secure online giving at www.VFTCI.org.  With your ongoing help this vision of proactive care will continue to have long term impact that will break cycles of abandonment and broken families for many generations.  

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, (Psalms 107:2 NIV)

Introduction:

The whirlwind end of 2014 has been organized and put on the shelves.  Gone are the Christmas decorations, my newly married daughter and her husband are beginning their new lives together and our youngest biological child moves out within the week.   A strange quiet and emptiness fills the house as a new era starts for us.  Rooms that were full of children over the years are empty now.  This didn’t just happen overnight and it isn’t really anything new for us, so why does it feel so different to me now?  I suppose it’s the reality that these rooms won’t be full again and the front door won’t open with one of our older children walking threw it on a daily basis.  Maybe the house isn’t as empty so much as the way my heart is.   I know that time moves on and this is what we have worked towards for many years but it still takes getting used to.  Without a doubt though, I am the proudest dad.  Our children are successful and living life to its fullness.   It’s what we raised them to be but it is in this setting that has made me especially reflective this New Year and my need to write…

A prayer of Surrender and Desperation

I guess I just need to ramble a bit on my life and share a little bit about how I got to where I am today.   Although the last 44 years contributed tremendously to current events, I choose not to make and autobiography but share a brief excerpt of it.  Let me start with a few remembrances of my life as a young boy.  I was born into a family that raised me in a Christian home.  I remember going to church every Sunday and I loved these early years of my life.  Some of my best memories are from a very young age.  I remember special times with my father and mother and lifelong memories of my grandfather.  It was in this period of time, around the age of 7, that I heard the gospel of Jesus Christ at a small Nazarene church in Long Beach California and told my mother and father that I wanted to accept Jesus into my heart.  So in the innocence of a child, I knelt beside my bed that evening and prayed the sinner’s prayer.  Unfortunately these early care free years were shortly lived as my parents divorced and my life began to fall apart.  Searching for a father for her three boys, my mother would marry three more times before I turned 16.  Each one a disaster that was destructive and full of abuse.  I desperately wanted to escape this world I lived in and so I eventually found solitude and peace in the mountains.  The mountains became my god for many years to come and I found temporary peace from the pain through rock climbing, mountaineering and skiing.  Incredibly through those trying painful years, I never felt a time that Gods presence wasn’t with me.  I don’t know why or how that was but he never stopped pursuing me as I desperately tried to fill the vacant hole in my life from the abandonment and abuse of my childhood.     

Fast forward through 22 years of marriage and 4 biological children and apparently I have done a somewhat okay job at fathering.  I can only say that because my children have graciously loved me and said I have been.  Those 22 years were filled with some difficult times and my mistakes tremendous but I know that Gods grace and mercy did more than I could have ever done in protecting the children and family I loved.  Looking back, I guess I fathered in fear.  A fear, that I never wanted my children to live a childhood like mine.  When things got rough in my life, that fear kept me going.  God never seemed to leave me alone but the reality is I never could commit to him completely and wholly.  The draw of this world, the lust of the flesh and the desire to conform, continually tugged at me.  Like anything in life, there were great periods and then there were bad periods.  I can only say one thing to this and that is God is a faithful father and never gave up on me. A little over 4 years ago, the reality of empty nesting, new career paths were upon us and travel began to overtake our thoughts.  After so many years of giving to our family, we finally began to see the finish line but little did we know what lay ahead of us. 

It wouldn’t be much longer before a vision of the orphan problem in our world and the reality of our need to do our part would begin to grow.  Spurred on by messages from our pastor that would cut to the heart and challenge us to take risks in our personal life, we began to get involved in a local ministry that advocated for the orphans of Ukraine.  We had no intention to adopt at first but that quickly changed as we felt the call and saw the tremendous need.  It was during this time that my heart began to turn towards God again.  I am not sure why but something happened in me as I began to see the father heart of our God for his children.  Why now?  I don’t know but it began to happen and the running began to change to a level of obedience.  It was not overnight but I began to feel a heart change.  

During this time I began to read tremendous books like “Fields of the Fatherless” by Tom Davis and my all time favorite “Radical” by David Platt.  The book Radical was so intense and deep for me that it literally took me a year to read.  I could only handle a chapter before putting it away.  It literally began to shake me to the core and tear down my world views.  In Ukraine, we spent countless hours and Kilometers driving in taxis between our two children’s orphanages.  It was during this time that I took up reading Radical again.  What a setting to read this book.  Here I was in Ukraine, hot, muggy, a bit scared and living on the edge and God kept impressing upon me that this was just the beginning.  What!?!!  Just the beginning!??  I remember leaning over to my wife in the back of a cramped, hot taxi and saying something like “I don’t think this is the end but just the beginning of something God is doing”.   She didn’t look very thrilled at this comment.  You have to understand we had risked everything financially in faith to adopt and we were pretty uncomfortable.   I do remember feeling a sense of purpose and knowledge that we were being obedient to the call on our lives but at that moment my obedience turned to complete life surrender to God.  I will never forget telling him in a prayer that no matter how uncomfortable or scared I felt, if God asked me to do something then I would say “Yes”.  Since that moment of complete surrender somewhere near Kramatorsk Ukraine; saying “Yes” to God became my mantra. That moment of surrender has been the most difficult decision I have made and yet the most rewarding. 

Shortly after returning from Ukraine with our two new children, I would be asked if I would be willing to join a nonprofit as their field director.  Honestly, that scared me to no end!  Big time fear but remembering my commitment of surrender, I said Yes.  That decision, as scary as it was, stretched me and grew me and I did things I never imagined I would do.  From leading a team of missionaries to the heart of eastern Ukraine for a summer camp for orphans, to being a part of the process of launching a transition home for aged out orphans.  I began to see the power of the word “Yes” when it came to surrender and obedience to the direction and call God had me on.  This time was not flawless and I made huge mistakes along the way but looking back God had a way of using it for my development and life direction. 

During my second trip to Ukraine, I remember seeing how many children were at risk of becoming orphans.  Honestly, I didn’t think much of it at the time but this reality or imagery of children without families began to occupy my thoughts all the time.  A blog post by Tom Davis, stated that we need to take time and look at the root causes of an issue.  In other words we cannot just be trying to put out the fires of our world but step back at times and see what is starting the fires.  Well, that bit of wisdom would not stop haunting my mind.  I began to wonder if we could begin to change the conditions that would force a child to be placed in a government institution or orphanage.  Why not?  Why not attack this world problem from both sides?  Advocate for adoption and orphan care and at the same time invest in the family!  I was pumped with excitement at the possibility!  The challenge was how.  The reality was my home life was falling apart.  The challenges of adoption and the difficulty of immersing our two children into our family and culture were straining our relationship to the point of complete disaster.  What we had optimistically entered into was far more than we bargained for.  Our typical roles we had had raising our biological children were not working and my wife was near emotional meltdown.  Both of us were constantly being stretched to the max and the reality was this was going to be a difficult life choice.  So on one hand I was seeing limited success in ministry and on the other hand I was blind to all the new challenges our family was enduring. 

How could I possibly begin to consider launching a ministry that was focused on orphan prevention when my wife and family were at the brink of collapse?   Needless to say, I still presented the reality that I wanted to start a nonprofit.  The response was less than receptive.  In fact, I received a much deserved ear full.   Adopting was a ministry and I needed to figure this out first before jumping into another!  Hard as that was to hear, it was the truth.  This whole willing to submit and say “Yes” was beginning to tear at every part of our lives and rip us apart.  Little did I realize at the time, that these were areas of my life that needed addressing first.  This was part of the process of surrender!  So the family began to be a major focus and the vision a secondary one.  In time, both of us began to see that this vision and calling was upon us as we began to figure out how to balance our lives together.   

Three months later, we stepped out in faith and launched Vision for the Children International, almost two years to this day.  I was elated and yet scared beyond reality.  This was a huge step of faith for me! The cost of adoption and medical bills had stretched us beyond what was bearable and now I had stepped out and launched a nonprofit?  Insane!  I remember withdrawing $40 dollars from our personal account to put into our new business account that was opened for VFTCI.  Leaving the bank, I remember wondering how I was going to make it to our next paycheck without those 40bucks!  Life began to feel like I was walking on a razor edge with complete failure on both sides!  I remember laughing to myself at the insanity of it all but staying committed to the “Yes”.   

What would follow were some of the most difficult months of my life.  God was doing an amazing thing in the ministry but I was beginning to go through hell!  It is hard to explain those months.  It was like I was in the process of an extremely painful birth spiritually.  I felt like I could bear no more.  Finances had been completely tapped, old friends turned against me and I felt abandoned with no hope.  Mental anguish was constant and I remember getting up every morning for months, searching the bible for hope and praying in complete and utter desperation for God to rescue me.   This time was the most intense and horrible time of my life.  Thoughts of ending it all would invade my mind but God sustained me and his complete rescue came!  It was like I had been tested by fire and somehow I came out of it. 

 At the end of my rope, God came through and miracles began to happen. God completely rescued our lives.  Since then, it’s been no rose garden but we began to see breakthrough in our lives.   Door after door began to open up for us.  God faithfully provided for every need we had and the ministry began to explode.  It was more than I could imagine!  Lives began to change, partnerships and volunteers began to join our team, incredible and unimaginable events would take place.  I still to this day stand in awe of all that God continues to do.  In the last two years, 8 mothers have been rescued from an uncertain future and 12 children from lives in an orphanage.  We have launched education programs, a computer lab for children to do research and get extended education, we have seen 80 plus salvations, and provided nearly 4000 healthy meals for needy children as well as numerous outreach programs and summer camps.  I know this wasn’t by our own power but by a God who has worked through us and provided beyond our wildest dreams.  

As I write this, I am honestly amazed!  Why me?  The answer is why not!  We are all called.  The bible says “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.”  Do you understand what that means?  It means that there is success for those who are willing to labor.  The harvest is there ripe for the picking!  We are just co laborers to a God who has already done the planting.  Are our lives any easier because we said “ Yes”?  I would say definitely “NO” but God continues to bless us, show us his provision and encourage us.    We know that every time we recommit a prayer of submission, which sometimes is daily, He is faithful to complete the work He sets before us.

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, (Psalms 107:2 NIV)  

Just a few things we have learned along the way....

          Just a few things we have learned along the way.  Chronologically, this post should have been a couple back.  I just found time to finish and post.  Hope it's not too dry...
        These are things we have learned because we took more time to find history, meet with relatives and tour home towns.  We have taken everything with a grain of salt and a lot doesn't make sense to us still as we continue to piece  the puzzle together.  We have learned that Lydia was not born with a lazy eye but it was a result of a trauma.  What we were told is she was alone and "family" came back or into the room and she had hit something and that's when her eye became lazy.  So we suspect some muscle tearing.  Daniel just recently told us as well, that she was 2 or 3 at the time and that she ran into a corner.  They never took her to a doctor.   Today we went out for lunch and Monique asked about an inch and half scar over Daniels right eye.  Karen talked with Daniel about it and found out that his mother had cut him with a knife while she was drunk.  According to him she did not remember doing it after she woke up. I am sure the stories will continue to come out as the days, months and years go by. 
         Today Monique mentioned how nice it is to have a little helper around the house and Daniel proudly said He knows how to do it all because he did it all in his house.  Karen being our interpreter asked more questions about this and I asked what his mom did and He without a second thought said she just drank.  We are finding more and more that though we still believe he was loved by his mom, she was not a good parent.  So it sounds like she drank a lot and he took care of himself and his sister and the house. Dad was absent.  
         We now also know that before they were separated and sent to two different orphanages,  they also spent time at the towns shelter.  How long i don't know yet.  We found this out while walking in their town and Daniel took off to say hi to an older lady.  With the help of our translator she told us how special these two kids were when they were under her care.  Come to find out she was the director of shelter.  She also said Daniel was a hard worker, gentleman and took care of his sister while Lydia was, in my words, more of a princess and needed looking out for and taking care of. 
       Daniel is an amazing worker.  I haven't grasped the whole picture yet or understand the why but he is intense!   When their is a project to be done, put together or fixed, he becomes so enthusiastic and intense that it borders on crazed.  I can hardly communicate to him or bring him back from his drive toward completion of the project.  I seem to be having a slow but steady progress in controlling his almost panicky enthusiasm but it's a slow process.  He is a boy full of joy and happiness and an intense energy level.
             In Ukraine the men are often absent from children's lives, either physically or by alcohol.  So I suspect some of the meltdowns our kids have had, are related to me being a male authority figure and them not knowing how to deal with that.  So far I have caused or been involved in both melt downs the kids have had.  Tonight I put the kids to bed before mamma came into read a story and for whatever reason, something triggered our happy boy to shut completely down and roll away and get quietly mad.  Nothing worked in pulling him out of this.  His body didn't respond to tickles or any of my hilarious humor and so I said good night and went to talk with Monique and Karen.   After explaining what happened, Karen asked if she could try and find out what was wrong and of course I said yes.  After talking with him for awhile, she said he didn't know what he was feeling or why he was feeling the way he did.  He said nothing happened to trigger the response.  So Karen lovingly comforted him and told him to pray and talk to God.  Monique came in and read and cuddled with him and things improved.  I latter came in and spent a little time with him and he was back to his usual self.  We are now wondering if he might have had some sort of sensory overload.  Time will tell. 
       That's just the beginning but this is the end of this post for me...
       

The Road Home.....

         Lattes that dreams are made of, people we understand and toilets, towels  and sinks that turn on and off by themselves.  Were in Munich Germany waiting for the second leg of our flight home to America to begin.  What a wonderful feeling it is to be served and understood.  The whole mind set of the customer is always right feels so good.  The kids are having a lot of firsts.  For instance, turning on a sink that doesn't have handles, flushing an automatic toilet or how about floors that move so you don't have to walk.  What an amazing new world of firsts.
         We have just finished seven wonderful days with Karen Springs and miss her dearly.  After spending five weeks in Ukraine in the Donetsk region with very little interaction with others of like mind, it was literally a breath of fresh air to be allowed to stay and spend time with such a wonderful lady.  Karens heart permeates with love and passion for the fatherless and her savior and that love and passion fills the rooms of her apartment.   It really was difficult to leave her hospitality and friendship behind.  It is our deepest desire to continue that relationship and follow her lead in continuing to help the fatherless and to spread awareness of the needs.  We look forward to the day we see her again!
         The last three days were amazing in how six weeks of work and a year of prep all magically came together.   Thursday we had our first appointment with US Embassy even though we still did not have the kids passports.   Even still they set us up for our interview on Friday.  All we needed was their passports which was suppose to be arriving by train from Donestk by the shake and bake (no Fedex priority overnight here).  Friday morning started off with Nadia saying she was off to pick up passports at train station and she had the final translated documents and so we hopped into taxi to go to doctors for medicals and after shelling out more grivna to get to head of the line and more US dollars,  I was finally done shelling out money for the adoption and off to the interview.  We said our goodbys to Nadia at the embassy and in we went.  At the gate, passports came out and again Monique had left her passport at home.  Just kidding!  This time I pulled out my passport to find I had grabbed Jeremiahs passport, fortunately they remembered me and graciously let me in.  Monique had been given power of attorney just in case I had to fly home, otherwise we would have to of gone home and possibly missed our appointment.  Interview was basically signing documents and taking oath.  The officer excepted my Colorado Drivers license as proof of identity and I signed papers as well.  Thirty minutes later we had sealed visa documents and we headed back to metro and home.  Tickets were purchased  for 645 am Saturday which meant we needed to be up at 4am.  Long story short, we had dinner with Karen and another couple adopting a special needs child and by the time we packed and went to bed it was a little after 3am which meant we took a nap before getting up to meet taxi.  Literally, the last three days have been a blur but wow, it is finished!  Only 7 hours more and we will be touching down in the good old US of A.


Ps:  this is not my last post.  I have at least 2 to 3 more in me about our journey :)

Morning coffee

I am no one special.  I honestly feel very inadequate most of the time for this job.  Maybe it's just me, but as I have gotten older, I have enjoyed the routines of life.  Point in case, this morning: I roll out of bed and hit the bathroom, do my business half awake and look forward to staying half awake while having a nice hot pot of French pressed coffee while the rest of the family sleeps.  Notice I didn't say cup, I said pot.  Plan to relax and enjoy the cool morning on the patio and slowly wake up.  Exiting, I unlock the bathroom door.  Notice also, I said unlocked the door.  I made that mistake once since bringing our new ones home.  Nothing like standing their going to the bathroom and your 7 year old girl is gibbering away about who knows what, while I am yelling: "Dear! Ah, dear! can you get Lydia?!?!!"  As it is, I get stage fright while going but I digress.   So anyway, I unlock door and their is Daniel doing the potty dance and me going, oh yah, forgot about you and were is mom?  Mom is out running with Karen this morning so I must be Mr. Mom.  I still think I might have a chance for a cup but before I can, there's Daniel half dressed wanting food.  Out comes the eggs and a Ukrainian bread with stuffed cheese and Daniel starting to crack the eggs into pan while I am getting oven lit for stuffed bread.  What happens next is a blur.  Daniel goes to get something out of fridge and I hear the Russian equivalent of Oops and we have salsa everywhere.  He quickly tries to clean up with every rag and sponge in kitchen and successfully spreads it all over fridge, into the drawers, onto floor and kitchen cabinets even into the freezer.  The kids got skills!  I externally remain calm and mirror a understanding, loving father as I try to keep eggs from burning and running around cleaning off jars and emptying the fridge and rebuilding the kitchen from the ground up with Daniel doing his best to help.  Somehow the eggs, bread and a clean kitchen all come together as Monique and Karen walk happily through the door to enjoy a morning cup of coffee and breakfast.   Well I got to go, Daniel was trying to fly kite off balcony and I it's now stuck in the tree across the court yard....

The wheat is ready to harvest...

        The wheat has turned golden and is being harvested today.  It's hard to believe when we first arrived in the  Donetsk region that the wheat was still green and growing.  This is our last day and we are leaving this area.  We are currently on the shake and back and we are baking!   We are in third class and swimming in sweat.  Everyone has wet clothing, dripping foreheads and wet hair.  It is a heat you cant escape and the vinyl seats don't help.  It's suffocating and Jeremiah and I have tried to find patches of coolness by standing in between the train cars.  The day was close to 90 and this train car has one window in each compartment which cracks open a mere 4 inches.  Jeremiah and I have become Ukrainian and our shirts came off.  Monique wanted to do the same but we felt it might not be the best idea.  We have gotten used to the day to day struggles of Ukraine life and try to take this 11 hour train ride in stride.  
       This week started out with the hope we could leave on Tuesday but its Thursday now, so much for hope!  Everyday was filled with necessary things to do that always took longer than expected.  There was just nothing you could do about it but try and keep your patience.  My patience though, has been wearing thin.  I have gotten to the point that I just can't stand it anymore.  So even though it is hot as hell in this train, I am so glad to be doing something different and that feels like progress!  
       Yesterday started like any other day but this time we were going to visit some family members of our new kids and visit their homes and areas they grew up in and ending with a stop at their parents grave site.  For those who have been here they don't need any description of those stuck living in poverty but as the day wore on it became clearer to us. We now have pictures of Daniel playing in his small yard as a baby with no clothes, playing in the dirt with the dogs. We stopped at their old house and  very little remains of it now as thieves have taken what was of any value.  What remains show very little comfort and a very harsh way of life.  Both parents passed away due to TB related complications .  Which is a poverty related disease and usually  a curable disease if treated.  Many die because of a lack of knowledge, money and basic care.  Visiting their uncle and seeing their grandparents house left me with feelings hard to describe.  It was as if the horror of it all permeated my whole being.  It was a feeling that you needed to take a shower to attempt to clean it off but no shower could wash it away.   It took thirty days of living here to get the full impact of life  in Ukraine.  The former socialist communist past has left this country in so many different levels of  devastation.  We have spent most of our times in big cities that have every level of success and poverty but you can see progress and beauty slowly taking hold in these areas.  Yesterday allowed me inside of what lies outside the progress.  It was filled with deplorable and overwhelming lack.  Whats amazing to me is people who have had so little for so long because of their history,  that I believe a lot of them don't even realize their living in such lack and need.   Because of this, the sad reality  is the children suffer, parents die early, alcoholism runs rampant, desperate girls wanting out of this life, willingly and unwillingly end up in the sex trade and young boys end up in crime.   It is vicious cycle with very little hope of change without a people and a society that is willing to open their eyes and make a difference.  Small or great,  it is all necessary if we are to start reversing poverty in our world.  It doesn't take much to start the change.    
       Our day ended with a trip to their  mother and grandmothers cemetery.  Tall grass,weeds and tombstones covered the hill overlooking ancient factories, old towns  and sprawling countryside.  The sky was blue and the air was still.   Slowly driving up the dry rutted dirt road we stopped at the site.  Two hand made orthodox crosses marked the overgrown plots.  Their family names painted and nailed to their crosses marked mamma and grandmas tombs.  For a moment we all stood in silence and then walked a short distance away to allow Daniel and  Lydia time alone.  Ten to 15 minutes passed as they silently dealt with grief and then  Daniel  fell to the ground and wept with Lydia crying behind him. It was a moment that left us all in tears as we watched two kids whose lives had been turned upside down by the loss of their families grieve. The trip home was quite as their grief continued.  Somewhere along the way it was done and they became little kids again.  
            Jeremiah had been left at home because he couldn't fit into the taxi and I believe in part he also wanted to have a day by himself.  But the day had lasted a lot longer than expected and he was getting tired of his house arrest.  We still needed train tickets and it required an hour and half wait in line.  It was deemed best for me to take kids home and Nadia and Monique would stay in line to buy tickets.  I didn't argue.  The taxi took kids and I home and as fast as we could we all high tailed it to McDonalds and the park!  Neither of them have ever been in a McDonalds nor ever been to a big city so this was a huge moment.  Jeremiah is now used to lines here and with me close behind, he shoved his way to the front of the line and found an open teller ( he is adapting to Ukrainian methods).     We ordered 3 Big and tasty meals, large fries and coca cola!  I don't think they even new what a burger was, let alone know how to pick one up and eat it!  Fries were easy and they loved them.  Burger was something new.  Daniel followed my lead and took his half and started in, Lydia on the other hand, would not even try it.   I told her I wanted her to try one bite and that was all she needed to eat before she could have her coke.  Frankly, Jeremiah and I wanted whatever was left over!   She finally gave in and ate a bite.   Next time I looked,  her burger was gone and she was happily eating fries.  McDonalds was a hit and not a fry was left uneaten.  Off to the park we went and with a little education about family stays close, look both ways and hold hands while crossing street, we made it to park.  The rest was more fun and with us all exhausted, they quickly fell asleep at home.
         Its now 11 at night and the train has finally become bearable.  Train lights are on low and everyone is sleeping to the rocking clickity clack of the shake and bake.....

The wait is over....

          I feel like the expectant father of old who waits in the waiting room, as his wife is wisked away to give birth to his children in another room.  I anxiously wait for any news of her condition and the health of our new ones.  
        Ten days of waiting have gone and since the last post not a lot has changed.  3 days ago our neighbor had one of the loudest parties I've ever experienced that lasted all night long.  Monique and I didn't sleep a wink even with earplugs.  It was miserable, we even moved to a couch in the living room to distance ourselves but to no avail.  Unfortunately, the next couple of days were filled with "tension" as Monique and I just couldn't get along.  I like to declare that it was cabin fever!  I felt like a lion in a cage pacing  back and forth.  We have since made restitution but I am still recovering at the local sanitarium from the bruises and lacerations given to me from my every understanding and loving wife.  I jest of course and as she has repeatedly claimed, it was all my fault.  So again dear, I am sorry.  What's a blog without complete honesty. LOL 
         We did get out everyday to shop or site see.  I have concluded that you don't necessarily need a refrigerator here.  Little markets everywhere allow you to shop everyday if you need and we do.  If nothing more than to grab a couple more jugs of water for drinking and cooking with.  I did some research on water pollution  in Donetsk and well, you just don't want to know my findings.   We saw the first Beatles Monument in Russia and was happy to cross that off my bucket list.  Entertaining but not impressive.  When I hear monument, I imagine marble and statues like the Greek or Roman statues of old but that was not the case.  As we took pictures in front of the life size Beatle members, I kept telling Monique, this couldn't be it and I think these are made out of plastic.  As we left to meet up with Nadia for an update and celebration of July 4th at McDonalds, I told her I think we must have been close but maybe it was around the back of the building etc.  Well, I was wrong, it was the Beatle Monument.  I was correct though, in that it was made of plastic with a coating of bronze.  We also went to the Donetsk Soccer field which might host the 2012 World cup.  It was an absolutely beautiful area with 70000 plants with 35000 of those being rose plants.  Well worth the walk and visit.  
           Meeting up with Nadia at McDonalds, we found she had good news and bad.  We have gotten used to the good and bad being  used together.  One must always follow the other here in Ukraine.  The bad news was that the camp Daniel was in, would not release him without a representative from his orphanage in attendance.  That meant unless we had a van, only one of us could pick up the children.  The van option was out of the question due to cost.  Neither of us expected that after a year of work we would not be together to pickup our children. Monique was very heavy hearted this morning not understanding why this had happened but nothing could be done and so alone she went this morning to pick up our kids.  The good news is we had no issues with orphanages playing cat and mouse as we tried to get release signatures from them!  What we were hoping for was to get all the running around done today but in the haste of leaving Monique left her passport at the apartment.  Fortunately, most of the events planned today could be accomplished without it but we will need to go back tomorrow and show all those concerned the original passport.  We are still on track though for getting out Wednesday evening by train for Kiev.  We are hoping to fly home the weekend of the 16th if all goes well.  We should receive the kids passports next weds and then we can start getting their visas for travel to US!  I say this as long as I don't hear more "I have some good news and some bad news" statements.  
              Daniel is now in the care of Monique!  He is very happy and ready to leave camp with mama.  We brought gifts for him to give to his friends and he eagerly passed them out.   Mama said his new cloths fit him and that he also has a black eye.  No one is telling us why yet but I am hoping their is another kid recovering from like injuries.  I know its not Christ like sounding  but if he had to defend himself, this father hopes he did a good job of it!  In our last post, we mentioned a kid that followed us around at the camp.  Today he found our interpreter and asked if we were here to adopt a child for their body parts.  More evidence  of the many  lies feed to orphans here about Americans.  The stories we hear are horrible and its amazing we can get through the lies, fears and constant harassment these children receive, just to get them to say yes to being adopted.  
            As I continue to wait pacing back and forth in our apartment for the next phone call,  I feel an overwhelming inability to raise these children.  I feel that nothing we have gone through is compared to what lies ahead.  Fear, insecurity, the unknowns and what ifs are setting in and I wonder if we have what it takes to raise these little guys.  Like a father holding nervously and awkwardly his tiny newborn son, I am scared and in awe, all at the same time.  God help us!
           We now have our little girl!  They are driving home now. When Daniel saw Lydia for the second time in  15 months, he ran to her, gave her a big hug and swung her around  in a circle.  Classic!  This orphanage was night and day compared to the other one.  When we gave our donation to them they were so appreciative  and began to show Monique all that they do with the donations.  The party was not what we were expecting and ended up being a pass out gifts and leave treats and fruit for latter kinda party.  When I was done talking to Monique on the phone, you could hear Lydia and Daniel  talking constantly to each other in the background.  Asked what was being said, they were telling each other how much they missed each other.  Monique is so happy and relieved to finally have them together.  They are so happy together and seem to have a genuine love and concern for each other.  Daniel is also quit the gentleman and refused to let mama carry anything and hauled a very heavy suitcase around for her!  Thats my boy!  One more day here and we leave to Kiev to stay with Karen Springs!  Pass out the cigars, this Dad is now a Papa of two new kids!

Ps:  Monique will probably post her first hand take on today later but I expect it might be awhile due to the crazy schedule we are now entering into.

Half way through with ten day waiting period....

           We are on day 5 of our 10 day waiting period and the monotony is kicking in.  I am not one for routine except of course for my morning coffee.   I am spontaneous and love the unexpected so this is a bit of a challenge for me.   We have been doing our best to keep expenses down and with Nadia's help, we have nearly cut our rent in half.  Instead of staying in our 2 bedroom apartment in Donesk, we downsized and moved one block away.  The apartment is  half the cost for apparent reasons.  We now enjoy a 70's looking lifestyle with 5 different floorings ( 1 linoleum floor in bedroom with rug, 3 different tiled floors and dark blue carpeting in living room) and multi wallpapered walls.  Gone is the flat screen tv, modern kitchen and comfortable beds but we still have a nice washer.   Everything is functional and relatively clean and our bathtub/shower is about a foot longer.   We are no longer visited by our friendly coach roaches.  We now have one bedroom with a pull out couch and a living room decorated with very old faded stuffed velour couches and chairs and two lovely framed puzzle pictures on the walls.  Very few lights work and our bedroom light flickers like a strobe light until it finally gathers enough strength to turn on, if it so desires. We have a flash light by the switch for light as back up till it turns on  Last night  it didn't turn on and we forgot to switch it off.   As we were drifting to sleep it decided to turn on.  The apartments not pleasant looking but functional, clean and we have made it as comfortable as possible.    I have finally gotten to use my leatherman, duck tape and superglue more here than the entire trip.  I fixed a broken electric fan (still not running) with superglue and duck tape, installed broken shower doors on tub enclosure and used duck tape on shower head so we didn't drown from spray going in all directions.  Our bed from hell now is more comfortable, as we have added padding to the top with comforters and blankets.  We have adapted and made our transitions.  It's not bad for around 40 US dollars a day. The good news is that we still have wi-fi and air conditioning. =)
         Our day consists of waking up, getting ready, prep and eating of meals, a usual walk around town, a visit to a coffee shop and market for supplies and lastly, ending the day with us huddled around a laptop watching a movie before going to bed..  I think today, we might stay in and get caught up on our reading.  We are reading two books, The connected child by Dr. Purvis and  Radical by David Platt both excellent books and highly recommended. maybe even play a game. 
          One of the challenges faced in Ukraine  for us, is the inability to recognize safe and unsafe.  Most of the environment we walk in has an appearance of poverty, lack and ghetto atmosphere and yet can be entirely safe and normal.  Areas in the states I would not intentionally enter, live or even walk through because of its outward appearance and unsafe feeling.  Jeremiah and I are on constantly alert and there is very little visually that gives you a sense of peace in this type of environment.  Even though we live in what is considered a normal safe building complex, I still find a little peace of mind at night in balancing a glass on the front door knob as an early warning device for unwanted entry.  Our old place had so many un announced people coming and going while we were gone (cleaning lady, land lady, fixit people) that we began slipping a small piece of paper in the door jam to see if anyone had walked in while we wee gone or for a warning that someone might be in apartment.  It's not that we walk around in constant fear but our mind and senses are always a little uptight because of the unfamiliar environment.  After awhile one starts getting used to 3x4 dark elevators, pitch black stairwells, dark passage ways, poorly lit streets and people who never smile at you and generally always sound cranky.  That being said, a building or area can look horrible on the outside with bad stairs and elevator but the same building can contain a beautiful expensive apartment and have Mercedes and BMWs parked outside.  I have gotten accustomed to looking at the cars parked on the sidewalks as an indicator of the quality or safety of an area, not buildings or trash or condition of anything else.  If we only knew the language, everything would be different.  It's impossible to build a relationship or get involved in community without communication. Its the number one frustration we endure!  
       Like the building exteriors many people come off harsh or suspicious but with persistence, a little ignorance and smiles, sometimes we get through the exterior to find warmth and kindness.  There are two places we have frequented that we continue to go back to, not because their the cheapest or have the biggest selections but because we somehow have connected.  Our favorite coffee house is our safe haven.  We go their because they smile and genuinely try to cross over the language issues.  We always feel welcomed and it's a nice break from a day of navigating this city of over a million people.  They know us when we enter and smile at us as we attempt to communicate our selections of coffee.    They genuinely seem to like us and that is such a wonderful feeling to relax in.   The second favorite place is our little mom and pop store about the size of our living room and dinning area combined.  We were won over on our first day in their shop.  We, Monique primarily,  was trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  FYI, food here is not the same or packaged the same as in America.  I don't know how many times we have stared at packages of sauces or cans trying to figure out there content.  Ketchup, sauces, tomato  paste and tomato products are nearly impossible to figure out their difference by their packaging.  We just opened three packages combined into a set for dinner, thinking we had boughten some type of  special sauce topping  for spaghetti, only to find we had bought ketchup and two packages of mayonnaise.  Go figure, not sure what type of meal this combination makes. Maybe if we could read the Russian it would give us directions. This answers why our exchange student loved mayonnaise on her pasta and pizza.    Anyway, back ti the store, Monique was in front of a bunch of stuffed frozen pasta like things, desperately wanting something with protein (which at this point we have very little of in our diet) and the older checkout lady was trying genuinely to understand and work with Monique.  Monique tried her Russian book, charades, morris code and hand signals all in an attempt to communicate but with no avail.  Finely, the lady found a clerk with some English comprehension.  Monique started over with her and somehow the lady understood we wanted to know what was inside.  The new lady, after trying to communicate for awhile, gave up and put two finger to her forehead representing horns and said  "moo moo".  That struck everyone as funny and all three clerks and us started laughing.  We ended up purchasing a couple pounds of the moo moo stuff even though we still did not know if "moo moo" meant cheese or  meat.  In the process though, we broke through the language barrier and moo moo gets a good laugh every time we come back and we always get good service.      Well, enough of that, all of this does help me to understand and appreciate the stress and fear that our new ones will have to endure as they learn our language, culture and environment and realize that smiling and laughter are okay!  

Today starts with a rush and flurry of activity...

Today started with a rush of last minute packing and a long trip to Daniels town he is at camp in.  Not exactly sure how far away it is but I would guess close to 300 km. away.  Our thought process was to be close enough to him to stop having to use taxi and give him the moral support he might need from us.  2.5 hours later we arrive in a small wooded town were people vacation.  It's a four day weekend and there is not much choice for rooms here that are reasonable.  We are dropped off at Daniels camp and left to defend for ourselves as Nadia checks out our options for places to stay.  The camp is laughable  and disturbing all at the same time.  It reminds me of a cross between a rundown ancient amusement park and a concentration camp set in a thick forest surrounded by concrete walls and a guard at the entrance.  We try our best to communicate with Daniel and it is obvious to us the challenge and frustrations all of us are and will have with our language barriers.  No one speaks English except a few words by a teenager who seems a little  on the "crazy" side. He latched onto us and followed along for about 15 minutes.  He is obviously a bad influence and tries to communicate with us.  He knows we are American and we understand  words like cigarets, guns, money and some rap songs.  I finally tell him to leave but he leaves an impression on us that our presence at this camp is not going to be the best for Bogdan.  He says things to Bogdan that seem to disturb him and whispers things in his ear.  ("Hello!  We don't understand you when you speak loudly!!!" )  We already get the impression that the gifts we have been giving to him have been generally taken from him by other kids or adults.  Its very frustrating to tell him we will see him in ten days but we believe it's for his best interest not to have his new American parents their drawing constant attention to him and our American ways and preconceived stereo types.  We leave very frustrated but at peace that this is best for him.
         One of the most frustrating things here is you almost always feel your not getting the whole truth to anything.  The hardest phrase to learn here in Ukraine is "everything is fine" because it's always a very long conversation between your interpreter and someone else and the answer to your curious question of what was said.  I also feel like everyone's got their hands in my American wallet trying to get a piece of the action.  Which with this American you need to scrape the pockets. ;)
           We stop to see Lydia on the way home.  The usual hugs and time spent occur but this was an unplanned stop so we literally are not prepared with activities.  Mama has some pens and index cards in her purse so she begins to  draw her a stick picture of a home and of every member of the family including them.  She enjoyed it and understood she was apart of a big family.  It got funny when we started drawing pictures of each other.  Mama drew a stick picture of my head with no hair and as Lydia was watching, Monique began to put tiny stubs of hair on my head.  For whatever reason this struck her funny and she  started laughing and laughing it was so cute to watch her uncontrolled laughter.  Then she began to draw pictures for mama and papa.  They were all happy ones with sun, flowers, houses,trees and hearts.  Of course, we were analyzing them to find any clue of disturbing images but no such thing seem to show but who knows I'm no doctor.  
       Were heading back now to Donetsk to return to our old apartment.  It seems the best option is to hunker down there for the next 10 plus days and  not take taxis anywhere to conserve on our cash.  It would appear we will be in Ukraine for another 2 weeks and not sure if I might have to go home, so it's a good place to catch train back to Kiev and the airport.  
          After 3.5 hours more of driving home, our nerves are shot and our frustration levels have maxed out.  We haul all our gear back to an apartment we hoped never to see again and plop onto the couch exhausted.   It's then Monique has a melt down.  I don't blame her.  The feelings she is expressing are the same as mine but I do my best to reassure her that all is on course and going well, even though I am, not confident in what I am saying.   Long story short, a day later and messages to and from Facebook family and friends, we feel reassured there is nothing to do but relax and wait out the process.  We so appreciate the faith and support of all of you!  You have helped us in so many ways, from your words of encouragement, wisdom, prayers, friendship, humor and love. We thank the Lord for our community of friends!   Just such a non American thing to do to release control of a situation and relax.  

The day of court..

         Monique and I woke from a rough night sleep.  We haven't spoke much about it but she was uncomfortable with pain in her hip and concerns for the safety of her new children  and I woke up a lot with worries of court and financial pressures.  I don't know what it is about the night time but it seems to be the greatest point of attack on us lately.   Worries of the unknown and fear for the safety of your kids.  Funny thing, these two kids we didn't know anything about or worried about three weeks ago,except for a few occasions in which God prompted us into prayer, now occupy a significant amount of our prayer and worries.  Parental rights have kicked in.  
         Nadia has arrived by train this morning and is out shopping for an appropriate outfit for court.  There is a relative calm and quite as all of us are in our own worlds preparing for today's court.  Having no idea as to what will be the outcome,  there is the concern of the unknown. Will it go well, what will the questions be, will there be an unknown surprise or delay?  The last three weeks and a year of preparation hinges on this day or at least that's the way it feels.  We have been squeezed into this week and the last appearance before the court on Friday.  We hope this will be a blessing and the judge just wants to get us done and head off to her weekend.  It's actually quite a blessing we got in so soon.  Nadia told me she was concerned we might of ended up in court the following Friday.  I am very happy about that not happening.  As I  was saying it's mellow here as we are all dressed and watching the clock tick toward 1:30 when our driver will pick us up to go to our much anticipated 3:00 court appearance.  There is a great scene in Chariots of Fire where all these great athletes are in the locker room, having worked most of there life to this moment in time and they all know only one will take the gold.  I imagine that they are thinking of all they have sacrificed to get here,  letting down those who are rooting for them, and I am sure a little fear enters in at times of the what if I fail thoughts.  It's a very surreal and melancholic moment in the movie as there is a winner and many losers.  The real truth is they are all winners, having given it all to obtain greatness, they stand among the greats.  In a moment we will know if the prize will be within our eager and longing arms or still just out of reach.  As so many greats have done  before, we leave our apartment and head to court.  If God be for us, who can be against us.....
         We arrived with a half an hour to spare and like two other times the electricity is out.  We have been escorted out of the building to wait outside.  As I was sitting there in the shade of a tree and enjoying the cooling breeze I realized we were able to wait comfortably outside rather than like others who have had to wait in a cramped dark hallway because of the freezing winter conditions outside.  Finally, while waiting for what seems an eternity and with fear that court will be postponed, the lights come back on and we are escorted into court room.  Our group of four has now grown to eight:   A representative from the orphanage, social worker and two jury members all talking with each other.  This all seems a bit strange to me.  We briefly meet our judge and she stands out like a beautiful  gem set in a scrarched stainless steel setting.  She is in her 30's, upright,  dignified and posses a professional demeanor about herself.  She is a stark contrast to the lime green painted concrete wall, cheap linoleum flooring, old desks, pad less pews and iron bard jail cell on the side of the room.  The entire government building is painted  light royal blue and the concrete path entrance is the worst condition of concrete I have seen yet on an occupied building.  She is properly robbed and wearing her insignias of authority.  We all rise as she enters and sit as directed.  There is no air conditioning and the occasional fly buzzes past us.  Court starts with the usual questions.  What is our name, were do we live, why do we want to adopt, why Ukraine, what do our children think of adoption, how will we integrate our children into America and what do we like to do in our spare time.  She read us our rights and proceeded to read out loud every document in our dossier and all Ukrainian documents associated to our case.  We have seemed to have won her favor from the beginning as well as the two jury members and the occasional smile is directed our way.  Everyone is very pleasant to us.  The whole process seemed to take an hour and a half.  Then we are asked if we have any more questions and they leave for final disscussion on the matter.  When they arrive back we are read another lengthy document with the final results of our favorable acceptance as parents of Daniel and Lydia Green.  We were asked one more time if we still wanted to adopt and I stood and said "I was absolutely positive" with a big smile of thanks and appreciation.  Monique stood and and agreed with me and finished with a "We are anxious to bring them home".  The judge smiled and said something official and it was over.  I turned to Monique smiled, hugged her and we kissed our congratulations to each other.  We still have a ten day waiting period but the battle and rush to complete this adoption before the SDA closing is over!  
        Now we rush to get home and pack for early morning drive to the town Daniel is at camp in.  We need to find a cheap apartment for the next ten days....,

We got our court date!

So things have been repetitive lately but we have had enough happen lately to make an interesting post.  

Today is an absolutely beautiful day.  High of 75 blue skies and puffy little clouds.  If I was to make a stab at it, I would say it will rain in the evening.  We decided today to see Valeriya first and then Bogdan.  One of the big reasons is I am tired of driving all hot a sweaty from
 Bogdans to valeriya's.  I feel I am in a constant state of  feeling dirty, hot and  wet  from hard play, humidity and sweat.  We stop at a market on the way out to pickup balloons and superglue for jeremiah's glasses and walk into the most beautiful clean organized store we have been in yet.   It's hard to explain the feeling of order and logic in the rows of supplies but it felt like heaven to me.  I felt like I was in the Whole Foods of Donesk.  An added bonus, not once did any security guards follow me through the store! Then we hit the checkout and I ended in pergatory not quite hell but not heaven, as we waited and waited for the typical slow as molasses cashier to ring out the ever increasing line.  The cashiers all have a chair to sit on as they ring up the customers( I think they are way to comfortable to care). Also, when making a purchase we must either bring our bags or pay for theirs. We pay for them and use them as trash bags later on.  Oh well nothings ever perfect and  I still love that store and it's half the walk we have been doing.  We still haven't found a good wine that doesn't taste like it could also be used as a bathroom cleaner but we keep trying.  I have always tried to not buy wine based on packaging but to know the grape and region of origin but packaging is all I got here and so it's a little like Russian roolet.  
        So if things progress as they have been, it looks like we will be moving again.  Personally,  I am looking forward to it.  Donetsk is not cheap and the taxi driving is eating up the money quickly.(an expense we didn't count on).  It costs more each day for our taxi than to stay in our expensive apartment)   The reason for the move, is that Bogdan is heading off to summer camp this Friday.  The camp is 60km away from Valeriya and we are hoping there is a train or bus that we can take to see her.  We will be moving close to the camp as we have been told Bogdan might be able to spend whole days with us.  We shall see.  Monique is feeling more at peace today because we finally got a big to-do item done.  We bought the kids their clothes.  We have done a lot of window shopping but either the clothes were over priced or we just were not both happy with the outfit.  Yesterday, we decided that we would buy two outfits we both agreed upon but first we would stop at a second hand store (how Monique even new it was a second store I will never know) after our morning coffee.  We hit the jackpot and for the price of two new outfits we scored jeans, shorts, swimsuits,shirts,dresses and light weight jackets all brand new looking or near brand new.  Our new kids are going to look sharp!  The biggest challenge were shoes for each of them.  Bogdan's shoes piece of cake, Valeriya's required "discussions" if you know what I mean.  We finally compromised on something between combat boots and stiletto heals. Funny thing is after struggling to find her a pair of shoes, we are returning them on Thursday to get a different pair lol.  All in all, we are both happy now with the shoes and clothes we have chosen.  Glad that's over with :)
         We still have no court date and are hoping to hear good news today.  I have heard to many horror stories on court dates or lack of court dates  for me to rest but we keep putting our trust in Gods divine plan.   We pray that His plan allows me to be able to afford to stay the whole length of the stay with Monique and Jeremiah and not need to return home early to work.  
           Let's talk about each of the kids for a bit.  Valeria is all girl but a tom girl at the same time.  She loves all things girly and princess but she is tough and plays hard.  She definitely has a lot of spunk and she has given us clues to our challenges that lie ahead.  Many of the challenges, I believe are based on a need for attention and love.  Nadia told us one day that Valeriya told her she gets frustrated because she  just wants to talk to us.  She loves to talk, talk and talk and we have no idea what she is saying.  It's so frustrating because she looks at us like we should understand and we so want to but we can't.  We desire,  like her to talk about all the things that parents communicate and share with there children.  She is so cute though, one minute she is playing ball games and jungle gym stuff and the next she is wrapping my arm around her and she is hugging my arm.  She loves hugs and kisses.   Some language is universal!  She wants to always look her best around us.  We got here this morning and she was wearing her eye patch and glasses but as soon as she could, she got permission to take them off.  You could just see her happiness at looking her best.  Such worlds apart for each child's language of love...
          Bogdan on the other hand is all all all boy!  He plays hard and when we are done both Jeremiah and I are pooped.  He loves games, wrestling and technology.  He is also very kind and generous.  Any type of food or treat we give him, he will also ask to give to his friends when they pass by.  He seems to me to take on a protective role to some of the children.  He is sometimes quite deep in thought with the cares or concerns of his and maybe our world.

We interrupt out post!  We just got call from Nadia that we got our court date for this Friday at 3pm!!!! What a relief.  God is good!  That means if all goes well, our ten day wait, will end on July 4th.   Our gotcha date will be independence day!  I can almost see the stars and strips waving in the distance.  I understand a lot more how it feels to be an immigrant and the intense joy they must have felt when they saw the statue of liberty in the distance!  What a relief!
           Nice segway, Monique and I truly enjoy Ukraine on the other hand,  if it was not for the intense difficulty with our language barrier.  Language is what makes it so hard for us to integrate into this culture and create relationships.   There is so much diversity in Ukraine and if you really look, you can see the determination of a people striving to be great.  I will add though, there is absolutely nothing nothing like our home in Colorado and the great US of A!!!!!  
          So now we have turned around and headed back to Valeriya's orphanage to get a letter from the director so they don't have to be in court.  Apparently, it's a long drive.  No kidding!!!!  Bogdan is scheduled to go to camp on Friday so it's not clear if he will need to be in court.  He is still at an age where it may not be necessary for him to be there in person.  My guess is after court we will pack our things and on Saturday relocate to the town the camp is in.  We will be working with Nadia to find a residence there.  It's suppose to be a nice resort like area were Ukrainians go to relax.  That sounds very nice to me and it is suppose to be in the forest even better.  So that's about it for now.  I will post you on Saturday from our new location God willing.  We will Facebook how things go at court on Friday!  Thanks for all your love and support and continuing to follow us on this journey.